May. 1st, 2012 03:45 pm
annie46: (Default)
[personal profile] annie46
If I could write an open letter to Jared right now I'm not sure what I would say.

Goodness knows I loved the man and would never hesitate to defend him from haters and hate that he did little to deserve.

Now though - after the Asylum fiasco - I am unsure what to think only to say that this man has broken me...

I feel incredibly stupid but life has been worse than shite recently. My health has not been the best and I have managed to get over being told I have to have a serious operation or die, get over the fact my daughter's fiance left her without explanation, get over a severe throat infection that prevented me from having treatment in hospital and talk my husband through the disppointment of him not getting a job he wanted. In these past few weeks and months I did all of this without shedding many tears yet on Saturday when I heard Jared wasn't coming (was never coming - depending on what you believe) to Asylum I wept like a fecking baby.

I can't explain why this should affect me so much; I guess because of all the things that have happened it was the LEAST important as far as life's plan is concerned and yet I cannot quite get over it. Maybe it was because it was my last 'hurrah' if you will or maybe because my hubby paid for me to go as a treat and now - because I no longer want to go - he has wasted his money and yet upset for me at the same time.

You may think I am foolish, a mad old woman or just plain daft but there you go - had to say it and get if off my chest.

Ta for listening
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